


I've Heard that Song Before

by AshCommaMan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Peggy Carter, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky gets superpowers later, Bucky never fell off the train, Eventual Smut, F/M, I don't really know what to tag this lol, M/M, Queer is used positively throughout the fic, Slow Burn, Steve never crashed, alternative universe, id suggest moving along, probably at least im not sure, so if that bothers you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-10 11:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshCommaMan/pseuds/AshCommaMan
Summary: Alternate Universe in which Steve never got iced, and Bucky never fell off the train.Basically, starts out during the war and eventually the war ends and Steve and Bucky return to Brooklyn.





	1. August 31, 1944

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my first attempt in a looong time at a long-term fic, and my first ever at a slow-burn, so--comments are appreciated!! It makes me want to write more!

Steve Rogers had always wanted to go to war. Even when he was young, when he was little with scoliosis and asthma and a host of other physical maladies, he had always wanted to follow his father’s footsteps, his father who fought and died in the First World War.

Now that he was here, those daydreams on hot summer days in Brooklyn when he was twelve seemed like eons away. Now he had been subjected to the Super Soldier Serum, which had cured all his illnesses, had made him superhuman, and had granted him the ability to fight in the war he had wanted so desperately a part in, he realized that war was nothing like the posters hung up outside of schools, or the spirited news broadcasts that played over the radio and television nonstop.

That hadn’t turned Steve away from the army, though. It wasn’t unwavering patriotism that motivated him—at least not since his early teen years—but instead a devotion to fighting against bullies—and in his book, Nazis _definitely_ qualified as bullies. Bullies with way too much power.

So, now that he was huge and buff, could run over thirty miles an hour, and was pretty damn-near indestructible, he wanted to use those abilities which had been granted to him by “Project: Rebirth” to fight the crazy, evil bullies who wanted to take over the world.

And so here he was, in a recently liberated city in France. The Allies were starting to take back footholds, and it seemed as though the tables were turning, with the favor falling once again to Steve’s side. The Red Skull and HYDRA had all but vanished from the map, but that didn’t mean that Steve’s job was over. He was still a soldier, and he, Bucky, and the Howling Commandos still had jobs to do.

He was lying in a scratchy bed in a makeshift barracks in a building that hadn’t been completely obliterated by all the fighting.  The city had been evacuated by civilians, but there were still a few areas—little villages, mostly—a few miles out that were still crawling with Nazis, which had to be cleared out.

Steve was resting, as the last few days had been trying, even for him. He and the Commandos had taken routine trips out into the countryside, searching for any evidence of hidden enemy bunkers or hiding places. So far, they had found two squadrons, which had been swiftly taken care of.

The door opened, but Steve didn’t open his eyes.

“Steve,” Bucky’s voice said.

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and looked up, seeing his friend’s face poking in through the open door. “What do you want?” he asked.

A broad grin crossed his face. “I’ll leave if you want. I just figured you’d want to see your girlfriend.”

Steve was up out of the bed immediately. “Peggy’s here?” he demanded.

Peggy had been on some top-secret dispatch for the SSR, and Steve hadn’t seen her in weeks. With a smirk, Bucky shut the door and Steve trotted quickly to follow him, coming out and squinting into the bright sun. Standing near a truck that had parked in the rubble-strewn town square, looking as beautiful and powerful as ever, was Peggy Carter.

She spotted the two men coming out and saluted professionally. Steve, despite his dumbstruck grin, saluted back. He knew that his girlfriend, being in the fragile place of power she was—being a woman in the army, and in a top-secret agency that was completely dominated by men—he knew that he shouldn’t show affection to her in front of all the people that were around him.

He approached her, Bucky by his side, and she looked up at him. “Captain Rogers,” she said. “It’s good to see you again. I’d like to hear your report on the Enemy dispatches in the area.”

“Of course,” Steve said, motioning slightly. “Lead the way.”

Finally, it seemed as though his goofy smile rubbed off on her and she cracked on herself, leading the way to the building that was currently serving as a base of operations for the superior officers.

Steve motioned for Bucky to follow as he went after Peggy towards the building.

The room was empty save for the three of them, and Steve finally took this opportunity to lean forward and embrace her. He buried his face in her hair, shutting his eyes. “I missed you so much, Peggy,” he said quietly.

Bucky averted his eyes awkwardly. He didn’t mind that Steve and Peggy were dating, but he wasn’t always a fan of watching the displays of affection—especially when the two hadn’t seen one another in a long time—so it was a little uncomfortable to watch them.

Steve looked down into Peggy’s eyes, smiling slightly, before leaning down and kissing her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back, their eyes mutually sliding shut.

Out of concern for his friend, Steve didn’t let the kiss last too long. He pulled away, promising himself that he would kiss her more later, when he had the chance.

“I missed you,” he said again.

She smiled up at him, her eyes seeming to sparkle in the otherwise dingy light. “I missed you too,” she said quietly. After a moment, she pulled out of his arms and went over to the table, sitting down and taking out a pad and paper. “I really do need to hear the reports, though.”

Steve laughed slightly and went over to sit across from her. Bucky stood around, since he didn’t usually like sitting when Steve was giving reports, but he liked to stay around so he could put in details if he felt the need—or correct Steve if he found him straying too far from the truth.

 

Later, the three were sitting on a half-broken balcony, looking out over the ruined streets. Steve felt a heavy sigh escape his chest, and Bucky looked over at him. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Just— all this shit, you know? All this destruction, and death, and displacement. When will it end? It seems like it’s been going on for so long.”

“It has to end sometime,” Bucky comforted him. “Everyone thought the first one would go on forever, but it ended. We’ll beat the Nazis, and we’ll beat Japan, and then we can go back to Brooklyn and we can go back to civilian life.”

“I’m not going back to civilian life, Buck,” Steve said, looking over at him. “I won’t be a soldier, but since I’m a superhuman, they’re going to induct me into the SSR. The American Branch.” He looked over at Peggy, who was watching them both warily. She had only just told him a few hours ago.

Bucky looked between the two of them, all but scowling. “What?” he demanded, directing this at Peggy. “You’re going to make him keep fighting? After all the shit he’s been put through here?”

“Bucky, don’t talk to her like that,” Steve snapped. “It wasn’t her idea, and she couldn’t do anything about it. It was the superiors, not Peggy.”

Both men had sat up, leaning forward slightly in a defensive sort of way. Bucky looked over at Steve and sighed, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“This isn’t fair,” he said to Steve, his voice much gentler now. “You deserve to be able to move on, to be able to leave this life behind. We all do, after the war is over.”

“Yeah, well I don’t have that option, Buck,” Steve replied, still tense. “If there’s still something I can do to serve my country, I want to do it. Even when the Nazis are gone, there’s still going to be domestic threats, and there’s going to be things the military can’t fix. I have to help them with that.”

Bucky sighed, obviously deciding that it wasn’t worth it to argue anymore. “Okay, whatever you say,” he said, waving a dismissive hand.

Steve looked away, back out over the ruined city. Everyone felt limited to silence now.

Finally, Bucky stood up, going inside, and Steve watched him go. He turned back around and brought his knees close to his chest, resting his chin between them and wrapping his arms around his legs dejectedly.

“Don’t worry about it, Steve,” Peggy said comfortingly, laying a hand on his. “He’s just upset for you. I’m sure he knows as well as I do how much you’ve been through. I know you need a break. I just wish I could do more for you.”

“I just want the war to be over,” he replied. It was a deflector, he knew, something he hoped would end the conversation so he didn’t have to think about the fact that he might never be able to escape fighting, might never be able to escape the life the serum had pushed him into.

Peggy wasn’t going for that though. “Steve,” she said, her voice gentle but firm. “Darling, please. I know this is bothering you. Talk to me.”

“I just— I don’t even know what’s bothering me. I just hate this. I hate all of this.”

“I know you do,” Peggy said. She moved close and Steve reluctantly uncurled himself so he could wrap an arm around Peggy as she leaned into him. “But it will all turn out alright. I know that for certain. I’ll try talking to my superiors, and see if I can’t get you out of the SSR on the basis of mental health.”

“My mental health?” he asked. “Peggy, I’m perfectly fine—”

“No,” she interrupted him, “you’re not. And before you start going on a rant about how you don’t, it’s perfectly normal for a soldier, especially one who’s been through as much as you have, to experience shellshock in one form or another. War is traumatizing, and most soldiers find that they’re not the same coming out of the fight as they were going in.”

Steve sighed again, knowing better than to argue more, and instead just rubbed her side.

“You know,” he said quietly after a long time of silence, “you’re prettier than all the stars out here.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Steve, I really don’t think it’s accurate to compare me to the stars or the night sky.”

“Well too bad, because I just did it,” he said, speaking quietly and leaning over to whisper in her ear.

She swatted at him and instead just kissed him.


	2. September 15, 1944 (Day)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and the Howling Commandos get some orders, and Steve and Peggy have a moment before he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Some making out and such, just a warning--though I suppose if you're reading a slow-burn stucky fanfic with eventual smut, that's not something you're against..

“Steve, you’ve got orders,” Peggy said, coming into the barracks where Steve, Bucky, and the other Howling Commandos were crashing. She came directly next to Steve’s bed and started hitting him with a manila folder.

Batting at her, Steve sat up. “Alright, alright!” he said. His girlfriend was just playing, of course, so Steve didn’t mind that she had come in—except for the fact that it invited laughs and teasing from the other men in the barracks, who were led, naturally, by Bucky.

Peggy, smiling proudly to herself, tossed the folder at Steve’s feet and strutted out.

Steve waved the other guys off, rolling his eyes slightly as he opened the folder. “Alright, you dogs, fall in,” he said, looking down at the orders they had received.

The others crowded around him, looking over him. Bucky was, as usual, just to his right. “We’ve got a suspected HYDRA base eighty miles south. It’s rumored that they’ve got some technology in development that might make winning the war a lot harder on us.”

“Great,” Jim said sarcastically.

“Hey, don’t be glum, Jim,” Happy replied, grinning. “It’s an opportunity to kill more Nazis.”

“I’m always down for that.”

Steve chuckled slightly and skimmed through the contents of the folder for a moment more as the other commandos joked and agreed.

“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do,” he said, standing as the group parted. “We’re gonna go in from the front, alright? Bucky and I are going to go in and cause a distraction. We’re gonna go stealth, and get as far as we can doing as much damage as we can, and when the alarm is sounded, I want you guys to come in and clean up the rest. Buck and I, if we’re lucky, will be able to get to the tech room before anyone even knows we’re there.”

“And if we don’t?” Bucky asked, looking at him with the look that said ‘Don’t be an idiot, Steve.’ A look he had received more than once since the two had known one another.

“Then we shoot our way there,” Steve replied.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Of course,” he said. He had always been the practical one of the two—the impulse control.

“Alright, we leave at o-three-hundred, let’s go,” Steve said, clapping his hands together.

Just like that, his companions scrambled, getting their gear ready. O-three-hundred wasn’t far away, so they had to be quick about it if they were going to make it in time.

Bucky grabbed Steve’s arm. “Stevie, please tell me you’re not actually going to think we can make it to the center of a HYDRA fort and steal something without getting caught first?” His voice was low, even though there wasn’t really much of a reason for it to be.

“I don’t actually think we’ll get that far without being caught, but I think we should try our damndest, don’t you?”

“Steve, I don’t like this plan.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You never like my plans, Buck,” he said lightly. “Trust me, alright? I know what I’m doing.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows slightly in a way that said he didn’t really believe that, but didn’t argue any further. He jogged away to go get ready, and Steve went to Peggy’s place—a little cottage that had largely escape the damage that had befallen the rest of the city—and knocked respectfully on the door.

She opened it soon, dressed in a nightgown and obviously about to go to bed. Her face was washed and her hair was down, but Steve still thought she was beautiful.

She looked a little confused at Steve showing up at her door at such a late hour, but she didn’t comment on it. “Steve?” she asked, subconsciously adjusting the nightgown.

“Hi, Peggy,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m setting out in a couple of hours. Just wanted to let you know.”

“Oh God, so soon?” she asked. “Why?”

“Why not?” he asked with a slight shrug. “The faster we get those assholes out, the less chance they have to do anymore damage. There’s nothing stopping me. Why, is that alright?”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine,” she said, not looking at him. “I was just—I would have thought that you would want at least a day to prepare.”

Steve shrugged again. “I dunno. If I’m being honest, me and the guys have been a little stir crazy the last few days. I think we’ve mostly cleared out all the hideouts in the immediate area.”

“Oh, well…”

It seemed obvious that she had something to say, and Steve frowned. “Somethin’ wrong, sweetheart?” he asked, stooping slightly to look at her face.

She bit hard on her lip, seemed to gather her courage and looked up at him. “Do you want to come in? I’ve just brewed some tea. Might help you focus.”

“Sounds good,” Steve said in a weak voice, feeling a little flutter in his heart. If there was one thing he knew about girls, it was that this was moving in a certain direction—a direction Steve had never gone before.

Smiling shyly, Peggy went into the cottage and Steve followed. It only had one room—since the others seemed to have been bashed in during the bombings—but it seemed rather cozy, for the circumstances. There was a cot against the far wall, and a little fireplace with a fire burning happily in it, a kettle hanging over the heat. There was a little wooden table with stools around it, and some miss-matched teacups atop it.

Steve stood awkwardly in the middle of the room—feeling like a giant in a doll house—as Peggy lifted the kettle off the fire and poured it into the teapot, putting some tealeaves in. Steve felt his heart racing a little bit, as he could almost taste the intent in the air.

Peggy didn’t look at him as she asked, “Sugar?”

“Yes please,” Steve replied, feeling his voice quiver slightly. He cleared his throat in an effort to fix that, hoping his girlfriend hadn’t noticed.

She put sugar in the cups as she waited for the tea to seep, and then poured it into the cups.

Stirring the contents of each cup, Peggy spoke. “I always like to drink tea before bed. It helps me relax. Earl grey, of course, everything else is too caffeinated.”

“Right,” he said, accepting the cup and thanking her as she handed it to him. He sipped at the tea—almost cautiously, watching Peggy but trying not to be obvious about it.

Chewing on her lip again—God, that made her look good—Peggy went to sit on the cot, staring at the floor and seeming very distracted. Steve, after a moment of thought, came over and sat beside her.

She finally looked up at him through her eyelashes, a little bit of hair falling into her face.

Steve smiled a little bit at her, reaching out and brushing some of that hair away from her face. “You’re so beautiful,” he said.

She looked away again and blushed. “Thank you,” she said quietly. She didn’t usually blush when Steve complimented her, but something about this situation was obviously embarrassing, so that only hardened the conviction Steve had about her intentions.

After a minute or two of silence, she put her near-empty teacup aside, and looked up at Steve, her eyes flickering from his chest to his lips to his eyes. Steve followed suit, knowing what that body language meant, at least.

She moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in and kissing him.

There was something about this kiss that seemed different to Steve. It was done with the intention of going further, something that he had never experienced with Peggy before. He turned his body slightly and put his hands at her hips gently. Seeming to find this reassuring, Peggy deepened the kiss, and Steve did the same.

Now, Steve had never gotten past first base—and before Peggy, he had never even kissed a girl beyond a brief peck on the cheek goodnight—and so he was rather new to this whole making out thing. The things he did know he had learned entirely from stories—mostly from Bucky, about all the girls he got hot and heavy with, and partially from some of the other soldiers they spent their time around—and so he was a little terrified at the possibilities that seemed to be presenting themselves through this kiss.

Peggy deepened the kiss further, her hands moving up his neck, and her arms tightening around it. Steve wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, feeling the warmth of her body, the brush of her hair against his cheeks as she moved.

Steve pulled away from the kiss reluctantly—he needed to breathe—and saw as Peggy opened her eyes a look, a hooded look that Steve had never seen on someone before, a look he thought was quite attractive on Peggy.

Impulsively—a move Bucky had told him about, as usual—he leaned down and brushed Peggy’s hair over her shoulder, kissing her neck. A little wisp of breath escaped his girlfriend’s lungs and her head leaned to the side, exposing more of her ashen skin to his lips. Steve, feeling emboldened by this, starting kissing more, planting brief little nips along her skin.

“Steve,” she whispered, her voice high and breathless. “Don’t—don’t leave a mark.”

“Okay,” he whispered against her skin, continuing to kiss her, running his hand through her hair gently.

Slowly, her fingers inching along, Peggy started to lift her nightgown off of her shoulder. Steve stared at her, a little taken aback, but she seemed to be encouraging him with her eyes.

Taking that as a green light, he started to kiss down to her shoulder and, deciding it would be acceptable to leave marks there, he started biting gently at her shoulder.

Something Steve took to be a moan found its way out of Peggy’s lips, and he felt a rush of blood downward, and he decided it would be a good idea to keep going in the direction he was.

Peggy had started to slip the rest of the top of the nightgown off, when a loud knock at the door made the two jump and move away from one another impulsively.

Steve let out a breath, his heart having nearly jumped into his throat, as Bucky’s voice—a laugh barely hidden behind it—came through the door. “Come on, tiger, let’s go. You can futz with her when we get back.”

Steve stuttered for a minute before getting out, “Alright, be out in a second.”

Peggy had hurriedly slipped the shoulder of her nightgown back up as Steve stood up, adjusting his shirt slightly and running a hand through his hair.

“Sorry,” he said, looking over at Peggy, who didn’t look back.

“No, no, it’s alright. Good luck, Steve. You’d better—you’d better go.” Steve took a deep breath and went over, taking her chin in his hands and kissing her briefly before straightening.

“I’ll see you,” he said, lingering for just a moment more before turning and going out the door.

Bucky—along with the rest of the commandos—were waiting outside, and Buck’s arms were crossed with a wide grin on his face.

“Were things gettin’ good in there, Stevie?” his friend asked.

Steve glared at them all as they laughed, but he knew his face was beat red. “Yeah, yeah, yuck it up, fellas. I want you guys at the gate in five minutes on bikes. Move.”

He wasn’t actually angry—more disappointed that his time with Peggy had been so rudely interrupted. Mostly, he was embarrassed at how apparently obvious it was to the others what they were doing. He supposed that it had been a little foolish to think that he would be able to get away with something like that so soon before they had to go.

Steve went quickly to the barracks where he kept his shield and outfit, and he quickly got changed, hooking the shield to his back.

He went out, got in his bike, and went to the gate at the front of the town in which they were staying.

“Everyone ready?” Steve asked, looking over at the Commandos. Getting a few nods and a comical ‘yes, sir!’, Steve led the way from the town, his bike’s engine roaring and a chorus of others following suit.


	3. September 15, 1944 (Night)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve, Bucky, and the Howling Commandos go on a mission to a HYDRA base to retrieve a weapon that could turn the tide of the war.

As the Howling Commandos peeled out of the compound, Steve leaned a little over his handlebars, feeling a familiar sort of perseverance setting into his chest. It was kind of a grim melancholy—he was going into battle, a battle he was passionate about, a battle that might be the push they needed to kick the Nazis out for good.

The Allies were gaining footing, little by little, and liberating Paris was a big step forward for them. But their job wasn’t over yet, and Steve knew that he and his squad were important for special missions, missions that the regular army either couldn’t be trusted with or couldn’t handle. This was what he joined the military for, though. This was why he was chosen for Project: Insight.

Steve felt the cold air of French autumn whipping past his face, chilling his skin. It felt good, honestly. It kept him awake and alert. They weren’t close to the compound, and wouldn’t be for a while. It would give Steve plenty of time to think—which wasn’t necessarily something he wanted, especially with the recent development of his fate after the war was over.

As much as he wanted to serve his country, and continue serving—especially since his abilities could be used to do so much good—he just wanted a break. He wanted to be able to go back to Brooklyn, get a day job and maybe a girlfriend—if he could get over Peggy. He knew he’d never be able to leave the war behind, but he was hoping that he would at least be able to try.

But instead he would be stuck doing the SSR’s dirty work, going off on missions God knows where, God knows for how long, and facing God knows what. He didn’t want to be a soldier all his life. He wanted to stand up to bullies the world over, sure, and wanted to protect his country and everyone else, but he just wanted a damn  _break_. A vacation, a time where he didn’t have to worry about being stabbed in his sleep, didn’t have to think about the ring of bullets all around him, didn’t have to worry about Bucky getting killed or Peggy getting hurt. He just wanted to be worry-free for a little while, just wanted to be able to exist as Steve Rogers, and not Captain America.

He couldn’t be wistful now, though. He had a job to do, and his mind had to be entirely focused on their mission. Distraction was dangerous. Distraction was how people got killed.

As they got within a couple miles of the compound, they turned off their bikes and dragged them into a ditch on the side of the road. They couldn’t have the noise of their engines alert anyone to their presence. Even getting this close might have been a mistake.

Steve regrouped with them all as they stood just off the road. “Alright. We’re gonna get to the tree cover and then we’re going to wait for a half an hour so they forget if they heard anything.”

“But what if they come out looking?” James asked in his posh accent.

“Then we’ll take care of it if they see us. If not, we’ll let them wonder.”

“And then?” Bucky sounded a little doubtful.

“And then we approach from the east, and then the plan goes as we discussed it earlier. Any objections?” Nothing arose, though Bucky still looked less than pleased with this plan. Ignoring the look he was receiving, Steve went towards the tall trees that grew thickly at the end of this plot of farmland.

The squad sat in little groups close to one another, with two walking around a few yards away listening for any sign of trouble.

Steve and Bucky sat close together, talking quietly.

“I got a telegram from a girl the other day,” Steve was saying. “She said she wanted to have my babies.”

Bucky laughed quietly. “Well that’s awful disappointing for her, ain’t it?” he mused. “Since you’ve got Peggy all sussed up.”

Steve hit Bucky in the arm—careful to manage his strength, since he didn’t want to hurt him—and rolled his eyes. “I haven’t got Peggy all ‘sussed up.’ And anyway. I don’t intend on having her babies. At least not for a  _long_  time.”

“You two would make such cute children,” Bucky continued, not letting up in his teasing. “They’d be the talk of the town. Think of all the hearts you’d break back home. You’d make all those dames who ever turned you down for a dance regret their whole lives.”

“I’m not out to break hearts,” Steve said, looking down at the twig he was twisting around in his fingers. “I just want to live my life.”

“Of course you do, Stevie.”

They sat around in much the same manner for a while, and, deciding that it was all clear, Steve signaled for them to move out.

They moved quickly through the forest, just off the side of the path. Steve didn’t want them to be too visible, just in case a scout or a squad car came by.

It took them a little under an hour to traverse the remaining distance to the compound, and as they crested the hill that overlooked it, Steve laid down and surveyed the area as best he could by the dim light. His eyesight, of course, was much better than that of his comrades.

“I make out three guards at the gate, and two on the wall. Have you got a rifle, Bucky?” He looked over at his friend, who nodded grimly.

He took the big gun from his back and leveled it on its bipod, narrowing his eyes slightly as he peered into the scope. “I want you to try and take the two on the wall out. I’ll get into position and take the other two out with my shield. Got it? Wait for me to get into position.”

Bucky nodded silently and Steve stood up, going down and around the hill, approaching slowly and silently until he was almost on top of the two gate guards. He looked up at the hill where he could barely see Bucky hunched over his rifle. He was grateful for the cloud cover, otherwise he was sure the glint of the scope against the moon would have given them away.

Suddenly, there was the muffled noise of the rifle firing, and one of the guards on the wall dropped. Steve threw his shield, hitting the two others in the side of the head—one after the other—as Bucky downed the final guard. Steve rolled out of the foliage and caught his shield as it bounced back at him, motioning Bucky down and going closer to the wall, pressing his back up against it.

He saw Bucky get up and move slowly out of sight, and then he emerged from the forest not far away from him. Steve slowly started moving towards the gate, looking in cautiously. It seemed as though none of the agents inside had noticed the fall of the two wall guards, which Steve was thankful for.

There were two guards in the courtyard, who were pacing back and forth. Steve glanced down at Bucky and whispered, “Okay, I’m gonna take the one further back. You get the one closest and I’ll follow up, got it? Step out and drop him, I’ll be right behind you.”

Bucky nodded his confirmation and then stepped out of the shadows. He got one of the guards’ attention and shot him twice in the chest with the silenced pistol, and then once more in the head. Steve stepped out behind him and Bucky ducked, Steve throwing the shield over his head, hitting the other guard square in the chest. As he fell, Steve ran over and shot him as well. He went quickly across the courtyard and to the door of the building. He had picked up one of the guards’ keypads and used it to open the door.

Steve peeked inside carefully, looking up and down the long, dimly-lit hallway and, seeing no one, stepped inside with Bucky beside him. He called to memory the map he had been shown of this place, and led Bucky down the hallway towards where he knew the technology would be kept.

Steve was careful turning corners, not wanting to step out into the line of vision of one of the guards. Whenever he saw one, he would always shoot him and then he and Bucky would stow the body, if possible. Steve hoped that the other Commandos had moved into position to back them up should the need arise. They were capable fellows, and Steve had faith in them.

Finally, they came to a large, heavy-set pair of iron doors.             

“This seems important,” Bucky murmured, approaching.

Steve nodded and went over to the door, gesturing for Bucky to step to the side. He did so, and Steve swiped the keycard. There was an angry beeping noise and the light on the light above the pinpad turned red. “Shit,” he muttered. “Looks like we’re going to have to blow it open.” He motioned for Bucky to step back, and he took out a couple of charges Stark had sent with Peggy. He armed them and stuck them to the door before trotting over to the corner, crouching down and covering his ears. They were about to lose their stealth element, so they would have to move quickly if they were going to get in and out before hordes of soldiers blocked their way.

After a few seconds, the door blew open and an alarm started blaring. Steve, bringing his shield up to protect him and Bucky, charged, shooting anyone he could see.

There were several scientists in the room, with six guards, and the scientists shouted in fear and jumped to the side. They seemed largely to want to stay out of the firefight, and so the two soldiers ignored them. Instead, they focused on the guards who were shooting back at them.

“We don’t have much time,” Steve said, bringing his shield down. “You watch them, I’ll retrieve the tech.” He went over to the table where a strange machine was sitting. He found a box and put it in there, looking over at Bucky. He saw past his friend into the hallway, where a group of ten guards were gathering. “Bucky, watch out!” he exclaimed, picking up a machine gun from the body of one of the guards they had killed.

He ran to the doorway and started to shoot the guards, Bucky doing the same on the other side of the door, once he dove out of the way of the gunfire. Steve shouted as a bullet imbedded itself into his arm. He turned away from the door and pressed his hand to his wound.

“Steve, are you okay?” Bucky asked, watching him worriedly as he ducked back into cover.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he called back over the sound of the bullets. “Just shoot!”

The HYDRA soldiers were advancing quickly, though, and they were about to overtake them, when suddenly, a cacophony of bullets came from behind, killing the remainders. Dum Dum, Gabe, Jacques, and James were standing there, smoke slowly rising from their machine guns.

Steve felt a grin break across his face. “It’s about time you showed up!” he called to them, picking up the box with the strange machine in it.

“We had to go through and pick up your mess,” Jacques said, smiling back. Steve and Bucky joined them, and they started to run back towards the exit, shooting down the soldiers who got in their way.

As the entrance came into view, Steve felt relief on his shoulders at the thought of being out, of being able to return to camp.

The door was suddenly swung shut and two burly-looking men emerged, both touting flamethrowers. As the flames erupted up into the air, the group stumbled backwards.

“Shit!” Steve yelled. “Everyone duck!”

Like good soldiers, they did, and Steve threw his shield over their heads, stunning the HYDRA men and making them stagger slightly. Bucky then took his machine gun and shot them both, trying to get them to turn their back so their gas canisters were exposed.

The Howling Commandos all stepped back, preparing for the blast, and finally, one of the flamethrower wielders turned his back to them. Bucky shot his gas canister and he and his partner erupted into flames, screaming out in pain as one was practically blown to pieces.

Steve covered his face with his arm, cringing away from the sudden burst of heat, and bit his lip. When the light faded, he looked down the hallway towards the exit. There was a lot of fire still burning itself off in their way, but Steve didn’t see any kind of alternative, and if they stayed too long, there would be more soldiers showing up to further bar them from leaving.

“Come on!” Steve called, motioning. He broke out into a run and jumped through the short wall of fire, covering his face with his arm and holding the box close to his body, the machine shifting around inside of it. The others quickly followed and into the crisp, early dawn air they emerged. James yelped slightly and started patting furiously at the arm of his coat, which had unceremoniously caught fire. Other than that, and a few singed eyebrows and moustaches, it didn’t seem like any of the others had been hurt by their little adventure through the fire, and otherwise they seemed to have only incurred minor injuries.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Steve said, making a dead run for the gate. Suddenly, though, the heavy gate started to swing closed, and even though Steve was faster than the others, he knew there was no way even he could get through in time. Just as the doors were about the shut, he threw his shield and caught it between them, keeping them propped open. He stood and waved his companions through as they escaped, and then slid through himself, unwedging his shield and following the other commandos as they fled.

There were gunshots whizzing by them as they ran back into the foliage, and Steve could hear motorcycles revving on the other side of the wall. They had to either hide of peel out of there fast if they wanted to avoid the oncoming pursuit.

This thought seemed to occur to Bucky as well, because he asked, “What are we doing now?”

“Let’s go around south a little bit, but try and be quiet about it. We don’t want them following us.”

“Do you think they’ll find our bikes?” James asked, following them as they ran through the forest.

Steve looked back at him. “I certainly hope not,” he said. “It’s a long walk back.”

He finally pulled to a stop, motioning for the commandos to do the same, and together they stood at the bottom of a small hill, listening in case of pursuit. Steve had his gun drawn and ready, looking around the slowly lightening area warily.

“We’ll go around. We’ll give about a mile girth, and then, once we get about ten miles out, we’ll fall in and get back near the road, sound good?”

Everyone nodded and murmured their agreements, and so Steve led them slowly to the northeast, watching always to their left for any sign of movement.

It was a long walk, and it was particularly difficult for the others, but eventually, they made it back to the road, and just a little beyond that was their bikes.

Steve looked around tentatively and saw no one, and so, deciding that it was probably safe, decided they should take a break. “We’ll stay here for a little while, and then we’re going back to the compound, alright?” No one was opposed to being able to sit down for a few minutes, so that was that.

When Steve decided it was time to set out again, he squarely strapped the strange HYDRA machine onto his bike and brought it up onto the dirt road. He and the other Commandos set out back in the direction of the compound.

When they returned, it was a few hours past dawn, and Peggy was out waiting for them. It appeared that she had come out to meet them at the gate when she heard the telltale noise of their bikes approaching.

Steve came to a stop and got off his bike, taking off the box and approaching his girlfriend.

“How was that?” she asked him brightly, looking at the bedraggled and tired-looking men as they dismounted their bikes.

“It certainly was… an experience,” Steve said, rubbing his arm. He had bound it during their break earlier, but it still needed proper care. He wasn’t too worried about it, though. He was more worried about the wound closing with the bullet still lodged in his flesh, but he didn’t think it would be a problem.

He handed the box to Peggy, who in turn handed it to a private that was standing nearby. “Come on, let’s get you to the physician. Anyone else injured?” Two of the others raised their hands and followed after them. Bucky, almost instinctively, trotted behind Steve and Peggy.

“What is that thing, Peg?” Steve asked, looking down at her as she walked beside him.

“Howard believes that it might be some kind of weapon, used to disable guns and tanks. We don’t know for sure, of course, since our intel is limited, but if that’s what it turns out to be, then we’re lucky you manage to get it before they finished it.”

“Do you intend on turning it around and using it on the Nazis?”

“Yes, likely. It will lead to a lot less of our Allies dying, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully. “Assuming Stark doesn’t blow it up.”

Peggy chuckled slightly and brought him into the little cottage the physician was using and let him take a look at him, watching the others undergo similar treatments. Bucky just stood by the door and smiled at the pretty nurse.

“So, uh, are you doing anything tonight?” Steve asked after a long moment, already feeling his ears turning pink. All this muscle, all this handsomeness, and he still couldn’t talk to girls.

Peggy looked up at him and gave him a penetrating look. “No,” she said quietly. “I don’t think so.”

“I uh…” Steve gave a wary glance at the doctor as he walked away, “I might come and visit, tonight. Just to talk, and stuff.” It was clear to the both of them what Steve meant—he wanted to see if they could continue what they had been doing the night before.

Steve was dirt tired, though, so he wondered if it would really be a good idea to stay up with Peggy. He decided he didn’t care, and that he could take a couple of days to recover from all the activity him and the other Commandos had been doing. Sure,  _he_  might be able to get up and do something tomorrow, but he could tell just by the dark circles under Bucky’s eyes and how his shoulders sagged, how he seemed almost as though he was about to fall asleep standing and leaning against the wall, that his buddies would definitely need a break before doing anything more.

“I’ll have some tea ready,” she said quietly, smiling a little bit at him. She kissed his cheek briefly and then straightened. “I have to go and ensure that the machine gets sent to Howard, but I’ll see you.”

“Yeah, see you,” he said, catching her hand for a moment and watching her leave.

Bucky came and sat next to him, seeming to take comfort in the fact that Peggy had left and he didn’t feel like he was intruding anymore.

“You gonna go and get some tonight, Stevie?” he asked, grinning slightly. They both fell silent as a nurse came over to bind Steve’s arm up, but once she left, the teasing continued. “It was a real pity that got interrupted last night, you know.”

“Shut up, Bucky,” Steve muttered, rolling his eyes.

“What? I’m proud of you, Stevie. You’re all grown up. Just make sure you’re honorable about it.”

“Right, and how many times were you ‘honorable’?”

“Every time,” Bucky said, slinging an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “I’ve never been dishonorable to a girl in my life.” He flagged down the doctor who was attending Steve and the others. “Hey doc, is he free to go?” The doctor nodded and waved them off and Bucky stood up, sliding off the bench Steve had been seated on.

“Just remember, Stevie,” he said, lowering his voice secretively. “Girls go wild if you touch their hair. They love it.”

Steve blushed and shoved Bucky away. “Stop it, I’m not gonna do anything.”

“Right, right.” Bucky grinned and nudged him. “Okay, well, make sure to tell me how it went in the morning—or whenever I see you next.”

Steve glared and Bucky just laughed.


	4. September 16, 1944

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve visits Peggy for the night, and they share some tea and a few secrets.

Steve felt like his hands were shaking the whole time he crossed the quiet courtyard to Peggy’s little cottage. He didn’t know what exactly he was planning to do, so he had decided that he would just do whatever Peggy wanted to do. He had wanted to maybe take it a step further with her when he had suggested it that morning, but now he wasn’t so sure. He had been second-guessing himself all afternoon, so now he was fighting a constant inner battle with himself, questioning what exactly it was that he wanted.

Next thing he knew, he was knocking on Peggy’s door. After a moment it opened, the warm light from the fireplace spilling out onto the flagstones of the courtyard.

“Hey, Peggy,” Steve said, smiling fleetingly at her.

She returned the smile. “Good evening, Steve,” she said graciously. “Please come in.” She opened the door wider and Steve stepped in.

“Hungry? I’ve got some leftovers.”

 “No, I’m alright, thank you.” She offered him some tea, and Steve smiled at her and accepted the offer.

 “I hope the Commandos aren’t too overworked,” she said, sitting on her bed and looked up at him.

 Steve waved his hand dismissively, taking a seat next to her. “Don’t worry about them. They’ll be fine. Just give them a few drinks and a night’s rest and they’ll be ready for the next mission.”

“I think we’re going to have to move you to a different location. Most of the enemies have been flushed out from the area, and we could really use you elsewhere.”

 “Oh? Do you know where?” Steve sipped his tea, looking over at Peggy.

“I think I heard something about Normandy. They think there are some strange things going on in the area surrounding the city.”

“A change in scenery will be nice,” he said lamely.

Peggy chuckled slightly and looked down into her tea, almost shyly. Steve thought she looked extremely attractive doing that—not that she wasn’t attractive _all_ the time, but still.

He reached down and took her chin in his hand lightly, tilting her face upwards so she could look at him, and stared into her eyes. He leaned down and kissed her, a little bit of a smile sticking itself to his lips. He tried to force it away, though, not wanting to ruin the kiss because he couldn’t stop grinning about it. Peggy kissed him back, but it didn’t last for long before Steve pulled away. He took a long drink at his tea and when it was finished, he set it aside. Peggy took their empty cups and brought them over to the table, setting them down and lingering there for a moment before returning to where Steve was on her cot.

It seemed like she wanted to say something, but maybe she couldn’t quite find the words, because she didn’t speak, just staring at her hands where they were folded in her lap. Steve hoped she wasn’t upset, or anything, or uncomfortable. He was so bad at reading body language that he really didn’t know what could possibly be behind this.

Finally, she looked up at him, and she smiled slightly. Steve smiled back, and leaned down again to kiss her.

This kiss lasted a little bit longer, and Steve wasn’t going to complain about that. Peggy wrapped her arms around his neck, and Steve—remembering what Bucky had said—reached up and trailed his fingers through her hair, his other hand going to her waist.

The kiss deepened quickly, and soon, Peggy’s mouth was opening and Steve was following her lead, because he didn’t really know what was going on. Peggy’s tongue moved into his mouth and he moved his back against hers, feeling nerves in his body light up in ways he hadn’t thought were possible.

Suddenly, regretfully, Peggy moved away, and she started laying down on the cot. Seeing the terrified look in Steve’s eyes, she amended, “I just thought it would be more comfortable. I wasn’t suggesting anything, I swear.”

Steve nodded a little bit, laughing nervously, and laid down beside her, though his big frame barely fit on the cot and so he wrapped his arms around Peggy and moved her so she was practically pressed against him—though there wasn’t a lot in the sexual way about this position. It was comfortable, though, and Steve liked feeling this close to Peggy.

After a while, his girlfriend seemed to get sick of just cuddling together, and she sat up on her elbows, leaning down to kiss Steve. He kissed her back, because he had no qualms with kissing Peggy, but soon she started moving over him, almost on top of him, and Steve felt himself panicking. Every intention he had had to do this with her tonight went out the window and he pulled away.

“Peggy—” he said, unsure how exactly to express what he was feeling. He didn’t want to disappoint his best girl, and he felt insurmountably embarrassed about being too chicken to have sex with his girlfriend.

She pulled away, looking down at Steve in confusion. She seemed to understand, without him voicing it, exactly what he was trying to say, and she resumed the previous position curled up against it. “Are you alright?” she asked, her voice gentle as she reached up and stroked his face.

Steve caught her hand in his and kissed her knuckles. “I’m fine, sweetheart, but—I’m just really tired tonight. Would you mind if we saved this for another time?”

“No, of course not,” she said, shaking her head and smiling fleetingly at him. “We can wait for as long as you want, Steve.”

“Thanks, doll,” he said softly, smiling in relief at her. “We can talk though. Maybe I’ll just spend the night in here and we can talk for a little while.” Steve had always enjoyed talking, even with the girls he was supposed to be on dates with, girls he was supposed to be putting the moves on. He supposed he was just more of an intellectual than a flirt.

“What would you want to talk about?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Maybe we can tell each other secrets. Or just general stuff about each other. You know? Like we’re a bunch of teenagers at a sleepover.” He smiled, hoping that if she wasn’t okay with that he would be able to brush it off as a joke. He did honestly want to share some deeper things with her, though. After all, Steve was of the opinion that if two people were trying to be in a committed relationship, they should know some of the deeper things about one another, things that a lot of people didn’t get to see.

“Secrets? Like what?” she smiled, obviously thinking that the suggestion was cute.

“I dunno. I’ll start. Uh… when I was little, Bucky and I used to steal his mom’s makeup and write on each other with it. Once I got lipstick on my church shirt and my mom grounded me for two weeks.”

Peggy laughed affectionately. “Have you ever been able to stay out of trouble?” she asked.

Steve shook his head, grinning in response. “Not as far as I’m aware,” he said. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Alright,” she said. She bit her lip slightly. “When I was first offered the job of an agent, I didn’t want to take it.”

“Why not?” Steve asked, frowning slightly.

“I didn’t think I should. I… I was engaged, and I thought that, since I was a woman, instead of fighting I should be a proper wife. Cook, and clean, and bear children.”

“What happened?” Steve was curious to know what happened to the guy she had been engaged to, and what changed her mind. Steve almost couldn’t picture Peggy, beautiful, strong, independent Peggy, ever being satisfied with ‘women’s work’.

“Well, my brother always told me that I should be something more than a housewife or a secretary. He thought I could fight and adventure just as much as any man could. I thought he was delusional, and I was in love, so I was willing to give up being an agent for being a wife. And then… my brother died.” Her eyes lowered and grew far off. “It made me remember who I was, what I was destined to be. So, I called off the wedding, and became an agent, and I’ve never looked back.”

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said quietly, cupping her face gently.

She sniffled slightly and blinked, and Steve realized her eyes were filled with tears. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Steve bit his lip, not wanting to continue with the melancholy mood. He wanted to tell a secret that would cheer her up, because he hated seeing her so sad. “You know, I’ve always wanted a Bugatti car. It was always eons out of my price range, but every time I saw an ad for one in the newspaper, I’d picture myself driving down the streets in Brooklyn in that thing… of course, it would get stolen or vandalized the first night, but still, a fella could dream.”

Peggy laughed, and Steve felt his heart melt for her. Gradually, though, her smile faded slightly and she looked up at him seriously. “Do you want to know one of my deepest secrets?” she asked him quietly.

“Yeah, Peggy, if you want to tell it.”

“I’m—” the words seemed to get caught up in her throat. She took a breath and then said, deliberately, “I’m queer, Steve.”

Steve felt his heart freeze slightly. Of course, his mind was a little confused, because usually when people said that they meant that they only liked people of the same gender, but of course, if Peggy only liked women, then why the hell was she with him?

“Not—not in the usual way, of course, because otherwise I probably wouldn’t have dated you, but—I’m the kind, I suppose, that likes both. The kind that people say are mad.” She shook her head and spat that word in a way that showed—rather clearly—her contempt for the outlook humanity at-large held for people like that. “Of course, now you probably think I’m mad too—”

“No, no, Peggy, I don’t think you’re crazy.” He looked down at her, trying to get her to meet his eyes. “I’m—me too. I’m queer too. That way. I like men and women.”

Her eyes widened slightly and it seemed a great relief, to know that not only was she not alone, but that Steve understood her and didn’t think any less of her because of this.

“Really?” she asked, as if she could scarcely believe it.

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Can I ask how long you’ve known?”

“Since I was a teenager, probably,” she said. “I think I first remember getting a crush on a girl when I was thirteen, but of course, at the time I had no idea what that meant, so I stifled it. What about you?”

“Oh, probably sixteen. I mean, I’ve never really _been_ with a guy. Or a girl, for that matter. But this guy who I used to hang out with once asked to kiss me, and I said yes, and I didn’t feel wrong about it. So I’ve just kind of grown to understand that I like both.”

“I’ve dated a few girls, but never for very long. They always seem to be antsy about it.”

“Yeah. I can’t really relate, since people of any gender never seem to take an interest in me.”

She chuckled slightly and kissed him lightly. “I’m sorry for dropping that on you, though. I just felt like I needed to get it out, somehow. Like I needed to tell someone or else it might just jump out of me. I can’t really express it to anyone, since, if it got out, in the precarious position I’m already in, who knows what would happen.”

“I understand,” he agreed, nodding. “I don’t know what people in the states would think if Captain America liked guys.”

Another rueful laugh. “Yes, I’m sure there would be a couple of objections.”

“I hate that, though. I hate how people like us are treated, you know? We can’t be out, or anything, and if we’re found out, we get kicked out of our houses and killed in the street. I mean, I know lots of people get away with it fine but—I wouldn’t be able to stand living in fear.” He figured that that probably meant that, if he and Peggy broke up for whatever reason, he wouldn’t go with a guy, because he’d constantly be looking over his shoulder, especially with all the press coverage he got anymore, and it would be unfulfilling for whatever guy he was dating, like Peggy had been talking about before.

He didn’t know if that would last forever, but still. He wouldn’t want to have to subject himself nor his partner to that kind of stress, to have to keep hidden all the time, to have to be so careful so they didn’t lose everything.

“I do too,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s not the only problem we’ve got nowadays, though.”

“No, definitely not,” Steve agreed, heaving a sigh. He felt like the mood was a little stifled now, so he pulled Peggy closer. “But it’s alright. Everything will be fine one day.” He kissed the top of her head and yawned slightly.

“Let’s go to bed, Steve,” she said, her own voice sounding rather sleepy.

“Alright, Peggy,” he replied, his voice dropping off as he started to settle in. “Whatever you want.”


	5. December 24, 1944

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve, and Steve, Peggy, and Bucky, are celebrating the best they can.

It snowed on Christmas Eve in Paris. Eight days prior the Allies defeated the Germans at the Battle of the Bulge. It was cause for celebration, as it seemed as though the tide of the war was finally turning in their favor.

Steve and the others were in a low-lit bar, where several soldiers had decided to spend their Christmas Eve. The Commandos were huddled around a fire, their arms around one another and drinks in their hands as they sang off-key carols at the top of their lungs. Steve was sitting at a table beside them, smiling slightly into his own glass. He, of course, couldn’t get drunk like the others, but he felt like drinking anyway. Bucky was next to him, talking sweet to a French nurse.

Steve looked up as he heard the door open and saw Peggy come in, coat wrapped tight around her against the cold, snowflakes settling on her hair. With her cheeks kissed pink from the wind outside, she looked positively radiant. Steve felt his jaw drop a little bit, and there was a moment of silence across the bar.

Steve stood and went to meet her, helping her out of her coat in a stroke of gentlemanly brilliance.

“Happy Christmas, Steve,” she said, smiling up at him as she shrugged the wet garment off.

He bent down to kiss her cheek and smiled back. “Happy Christmas, Peggy.” He led her over to the table where he, Bucky, and the nurse had been sitting and pulled a chair out for her. He went to the bar and got her a drink and then sat down again.

“How is everything out there?” he asked Peggy, moving his chair closer to her.

“If you mean in general, cold as hell. If you mean the war, it’s going well. Things are finally starting to look up. We might get out of this before February.”

“Wouldn’t that be a treat,” Steve said, smiling at her. “We’d be able to go home.”

He took her hand lightly, glad that in this setting they didn’t have to be so strict about their displays of affection. Sometimes when they had to be professional, had to pretend like they weren’t in a relationship, Steve wanted nothing more than to hold Peggy’s hand, or to kiss her cheek, or to lean close and tell her how much she meant to him. But he knew what he felt didn’t really matter, because it was Peggy’s position that was important here.

“Hey, Peggy,” Bucky greeted, turning away from his girl for a moment and waving to her. “This is Collene.” The nurse waved a little bit and Peggy smiled at her.

Just then, the Commandos started shouting the lyrics to “Let It Snow,” waving their mugs about in the air and grinning. Steve shook his head in amusement and took another drink from his own glass. Bucky started singing along, and, after nudging Steve a few times encouragingly, he joined in as well, and the whole bar erupted into slurred Christmas merriment.

An hour or so later, as the night was starting to wind down a little bit, Bucky stood up, Collene in tow. “I’m gonna head to her house for a little while,” Bucky said, motioning to the girl on his arm. “I’ll catch you around tomorrow. Merry Christmas.”

 Steve waved him off, smiling at him slightly. “Have fun, Bucky,” he said. They left, letting a gust of cold wind into the pub.

Steve let out a breath and looked back down at Peggy, smiling slightly. “What do you intend on doing tonight?” he asked.

“I’ll probably go back to the barracks, have myself a nice cup of cocoa, and settle in with a book.”

“Mind if I join you?” he asked. “I don’t think any of the other guys will be around tonight. Or at least not until late.”

“Sure, of course. Go ahead.” She smiled at him and kissed him briefly. “You’re always welcome to join me.”

Peggy was somewhat lucky, being one of the only women in a high position in the army, because she often got rooms to herself, which meant that Steve could come and hang around when he didn’t want to be with the others. They didn’t make it a normal occurrence, but Steve was always glad to spend time with his girlfriend when he could.

Steve perked up when one of his favorite songs came on. “Hey,” he said, “you wanna dance?”

He stood up, extending a hand to her. Peggy looked at the hand for a moment and then up at him, smiling wryly. “Of course. You still owe me a dance anyway.”

He grinned and pulled her over to the dancefloor. It was a slower song, so he didn’t feel a whole lot of pressure, so he just pulled Peggy close. “I don’t know how to dance very well,” he apologized, swaying back and forth lightly.

“Don’t worry,” she replied. “I’ll teach you.” She started swaying a little more, moving her feet slowly. Steve was glad there weren’t a whole lot of people in the bar anymore, and they all seemed more distracted with their own conversations to pay attention to them. Steve was glad he was super agile now, because he was sure that otherwise he would have stumbled just trying to get to the dance floor. He felt a little nervous, as he always did trying new things with Peggy, but he felt a little reassured by the way she looked at him.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” he said after a moment. The thought just kind of popped into his head and spilled out of his mouth, and Peggy looked up at him from where she had currently been focusing on their feet, seeming to be a little surprised by that.

 “I don’t know about that, Steve,” she said, blushing a little bit.

He smiled at her. “Don’t be silly. Of course I am. I love you, Peggy.”

Once that left his mouth, Steve felt his eyes go wide and his cheeks flare up in a horrible blush. He started stuttering, wondering if he should try and take it back but unsure exactly what to say about that.

Finally, her face broke into a smile and she said, “I love you too.”

Steve let out a little sigh of relief and pulled Peggy into a kiss, stopping their swaying and just holding her close up against him. He was glad to hear that she reciprocated the feelings, because for a moment, Steve had been afraid that she didn’t love him back, and that by blurting what he felt he had ruined their relationship, possibly permanently.

 When they pulled away, Steve stared into her eyes, a dorky smile on his face. She started laughing and broke their eye contact.

“What?” Steve asked, still smiling.

“You’re so sweet, Steve, I don’t know what I’ll do with you."

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, so instead he just dipped her, grinning. She started laughing again and clung to him, letting out a little shriek as he picked her back up and pulled her close again.

“God, who knew that some skinny boy from Brooklyn would ever be as sweet as you?” she said through the remainder of her laugh.

Steve chuckled slightly. “I couldn’t tell you,” he said. “I never got the chance to be sweet on a girl before, so maybe I’m making up for lost time.” She rolled her eyes at him and kissed his cheek.

“Well, don’t stop on my account,” she told him teasingly as she starting to sway again.

               

It wasn’t until late into the night they finally decided to turn in. The two of them left the bar and went to the little hotel Peggy was being put up at. Usually the military would be stationed outside the city, but since it was getting to be really cold at night, they had been provided with some of the open housing and shelter throughout this part of the city.

Steve shivered as they went inside, and Peggy put the kettle on to make them some hot cocoa. Steve looked around the room for a moment as he hung up his coat. He took a seat at the table and watched as Peggy extended her hands to the fire. He smiled affectionately. The fact that they had said that they loved each other that night had done something to how Steve viewed her. He felt like he could watch her forever, just doing normal things like making hot cocoa for the two of them to warm up with.

The thought of maybe finally crossing the bridge between a romantic and a sexual relationship had crossed Steve’s mind, but he didn’t think he would want to tonight. Right then he just felt like softness would be the best thing. It was Christmas, after all, and it felt a little strange to think about having sex on Christmas Eve. Well, to Steve, at least. He knew Bucky was likely off giving Collene the night of her life, but he decided not to think about that too hard.

As Peggy made the cocoa, Steve spoke up, wanting to talk. “What are you going to do after the war is over?” he asked. “Go back to London?” Of course, that would probably mean they would have to break up, but Steve was trying not to think about that at the moment.

“I don’t know, exactly,” she said, sitting down and looking at her lap. “I was thinking I would probably go to the states and continue my agency there, but I’m not sure exactly. It really depends on whether or not my superiors think I should still watch over you.”

Steve bit his lip slightly. The thought of having to break up with Peggy was not one he wanted to have to accept as a reality, especially not after tonight. But when they had started dating, what had been the likelihood they would stay together? It wasn’t very high, especially since they were from two different continents. But Steve had always distracted himself with the thought of ‘We’ll make it work’ and never to any thoughts about _how_ they would make it work.

Steve stayed silent, just drinking his cocoa subduedly, and the moment got awkward.

Peggy sat down across from him and reached across the table, taking his hand lightly in hers. “But, if it ends up that we can’t continue to be together after the war is over, I want to still be friends, alright? Even if we can’t talk as often as we would like to.”

Steve looked up at her, and saw an encouraging smile on her face. He nodded slightly and smiled back, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Of course, Peggy,” he said. “I couldn’t imagine not being friends with you.”

She stood up slightly and leaned over, kissing his cheek.


	6. February 3, 1945

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has some time to himself, so he thinks. About his life, about his best friend, about his girlfriend, and about this god damned war that none of them can seem to escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, but hopefully it's not as bad as I think it is. I'm planning on my next chapters being way better (really need to get on writing them,,, haha,,,,) Anyway. Thanks for reading! And for those of you who have been coming back and reading, thank you for your loyalty!! xo

Every day Steve missed New York more and more. Every day, he lost hope that the war would ever end, and even if it did, he was convinced that he would have to continue fighting for the rest of his life—however long that would end up being. He had never thought that it would take this long. He thought months, maybe even a year or two, but the longer he was exposed to all the horrors that the Nazis had subjected Europe too, and the terrors in Asia done by the imperialist Japanese, the less Steve wanted to be a part of the effort to eradicate it. He just didn’t want to see this anymore—he didn’t want it to go on any longer. And he knew that the fighting had been going on longer than the Americans had been a part of it—he knew that the war had been going on, officially, two years longer, before the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor and moved the Americans into action.

Steve knew this, and he knew that the Jews and minorities in the German-controlled territories had undergone so much more than Steve had doing the fighting, and he didn’t want the war to end just so he could go home. He wanted it to end so that they could all go home, so that the whole world could move on from everything they had experienced, and begin healing the scars created by the violence.

Steve was telling Bucky this, late one night in the barracks. They were in a camp out in the middle of nowhere, an in-between while they were waiting to be transferred.

“I get it, Stevie, I really do,” Bucky was saying, “but lamenting it isn’t gonna make the war end any quicker.” He was laying on his back, his hands folded behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

“I know that, of course,” Steve replied, turning his head and looking over at him. “But I just—I dunno. It makes me feel better, I guess.”

“Whatever you say,” he said quietly, effectively ending the conversation.

Bucky had been acting strangely for weeks, ever since Christmas, it seemed, though Steve couldn’t figure out exactly what was eating his childhood friend. Usually these types of things were obvious to him, and he could pick it out easily enough. But whatever it was that was bothering Bucky now, he was keeping it close under wraps, to the point where Steve couldn’t infer it.

Thus far, Steve had been mum about it, figuring that whatever it was would pass. He had attributed it, at first, to the dame he had been with at Christmas, like she had broken up with him or said something nasty, but the more time passed, the less likely that seemed to be. And usually when a girl hung Bucky up to dry, he wasn’t quiet about it, complaining to Steve until he felt better.

Now, Bucky’s nonchalant, almost rude behavior had pushed Steve over the edge of his curiosity.

Bucky sighed slightly and looked away. It didn’t seem like he was planning on coming clean any time soon, much to Steve’s chagrin.

“No, really, Buck, what is it?” Steve was planning on pressing this as far as he dared. He wanted to know what was bothering Bucky. “Is it something to do with me? Is that why you won’t tell me?” He ran through all the conversations they had had—in Steve’s memory—since Bucky’s behavior had started to change, trying to figure out if he had possibly said something that had put him on Bucky’s bad side. He couldn’t imagine what that might be, though, because even though sometimes they fought and argued, they never went more than two weeks before they were back to normal again.

“No, Steve, it’s not about you—look, it’s stupid, okay? Never mind.” He waved him off, which only made Steve want to press it further.

“No, Bucky, I’m not going to never mind.” Steve sat up, looking at his friend, who was very pointedly avoiding eye contact. “What’s up with you?”

“Look, Steve, it’s just—I’m still mad over that shit with the SSR, alright?”

“Please don’t be upset about that, Buck,” he said, his voice gentler, more patient now. “I know it’s kind of shitty, but I’ll be okay. Besides, Peggy’s trying to get me out of it on basis of mental health. She thinks that if we can convince them that I’m shellshocked, they won’t think I’m fit for more active duty, super soldier or not.”

“Do they really care about your mental health, though?” Bucky replied in annoyance. If this hadn’t been what Bucky had primarily been upset about, he was doing a good job of making it seem like it was, and running with his excuse.

“I don’t know, Bucky. Just—listen, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, even if I do have to go into the force.”

Bucky sighed and fell silent, obviously wanting to conversation to end. Steve wanted to keep talking though, wanted to dissolve the awkward air that had enveloped their friendship over the past few months. He wanted it to get back to normal, not the strange kind of reality they had floated into, where sometimes it was normal and other times there was something distinctly odd about Bucky’s behavior, like sometimes he was just upset.

Steve, unsure what to do now that Bucky refused to talk to him, decided to just go out and take a run. Maybe the exercise would help to sort his thoughts out, since he was still upset with how the war was going at that point.

He got up and changed into his sweats and shirt before going outside. It was the same route the privates going through boot camp went, though he was faster than all of them. Much faster, in fact, so he ended up lapping the same group of soldiers three times before they finished their run. Sometimes it shocked him just how extraordinary he was, just how much the term _Super Soldier_ really fit. He had never considered himself to be exactly ‘superior’ to the rest of humanity, though in every aspect he technically was. But he supposed that was the whole reason he was chosen for “Project: Insight” in the first place: because the power the serum provided wouldn’t transfer into an ego problem, like it had for the Red Skull.

Steve thought about this for a moment as he jogged, the cold wind whistling through his ears, feeling the mucky path slip underneath his pounding feet. Maybe that was what had been eating Bucky. Maybe he was, for some reason, jealous, because Steve had been changed into something so powerful. He had never viewed Bucky as the type to get jealous like that, though, so he couldn’t be sure of that. And besides, he should be happy that Steve was healthy and strong now, that he wouldn’t need to be babysat, that Bucky wouldn’t have to intervene and rescue him from every fight he got into, rescue inhaler in hand, because Steve couldn’t control his impulse to fight.

Maybe it really was the fact that the SSR intended on inducting him once the war was over. After all, Steve’s friend had been rather angry when he had first found out. But that had been months ago, and the anger had seemed to fade for the most part after a few weeks, and had started up again around Christmas or New Year’s, and would repeatedly make a comeback every few weeks.

Steve thought about the war, too. It was a depressing subject, but one that he was living at the moment, so there wasn’t really a whole lot he could do to avoid it, especially with how he felt about it. he had been born a week before World War One had ended, and so it wasn’t until he was a child and an adolescent teen that he really learned what kind of an effect it had had on the people who had fought in it, except for the fact that it had taken the life of his father—and many other young men around the world.

To live in, and be such a big part, it felt, of the new World War, was something that a part of Steve resented. On the one hand, he was proud to serve his country, and he was glad that he was doing good and helping to kick the Nazis and their allies out of Europe, to make bigots and bullies afraid of showing their faces, of helping to return this poor, injured world back to a state of peace. But on the other, the fact that he had to be there at all was enough to rouse a fire of anger in him. He was indignant, sometimes, at the idea that a group of people could be so hateful as to slaughter people based solely on their face, their ethnicity, their gender, their orientation—it sickened him, and the fact that being in the war, being committed to it, was necessary at all, made him resent his part in it.

Suddenly, Steve realized that he was at a dead sprint, not a casual jog, and that he was probably going upwards of thirty-five miles an hour. Letting out a puff of breath, he slowed slightly, sighing. He supposed that thinking about something that got him riled up made him run faster, and he just hadn’t realized it.

He saw a group of privates staring at him from across the compound and, slowing to a stop to rest, he raised a hand in greeting to them.

Maybe Bucky was right. Maybe there wasn’t really anything good to come out of lamenting the fact that this war was going on. It was, and no amount of anger or resentment towards that fact would change it. All Steve could do was follow orders and try and end it as fast as possible.

Starting to jog again, Steve’s thoughts turned Peggy. She was out on another mission, and he didn’t know exactly when she was supposed to be back. That always worried Steve. As much of a capable woman he knew her to be, he couldn’t help but worry that she might get into a situation she couldn’t handle, and something bad might happen to her, and he might not be able to see her again.

He started thinking about what would happen after the war, too. Peggy had said that she didn’t know exactly what she was going to be doing after the war, and that it largely depended on what her superiors in the SSR wanted from her. Steve really hoped they would continue to think that she should follow Steve around, to be a handler, of sorts, so that she could come back to New York with him, but they both knew what kind of likelihood that was—not good.

He knew, too, that England was her home, as much as Brooklyn was his, and although she had been all over the world since becoming an agent, she would probably want to be home while she could. Steve loved Peggy, he did, and he wanted her to be happy, but a part of him—a selfish, juvenile part—didn’t want to be happy without her by his side. If he had to stay fighting, if he ended up having to work for the SSR for a long time, he would have liked to do it with Peggy to keep him company.

But, Steve was well aware that in their line of work, with the peculiar circumstances under which they operated, they couldn’t always get what they wanted. As bitter as that made Steve, he knew it was true, and that there wasn’t a whole lot he could do to change that. Captain America or no, he still had limitations.


	7. February 14, 1945

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky, lonely on Valentine's Day, go looking for trouble--and end up out in the middle of the forest at night in February.

“Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever,” Steve complained, flopping to lay on his back on his cot and covering his face with his hands. “First time I actually have a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, and she’s off in Prague doing some kind of top secret mission.”

“Oh, don’t be so glum, Steve,” Bucky said, clearly enjoying his friend’s misery more than should be legal, “I’ll be your Valentine.”

Steve snorted and threw his pillow at Bucky before rolling over again. “You’re the worst,” he said.

Bucky laughed slightly, though it was a little forced. Steve didn’t notice, of course, he was too busy wallowing in his misery. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon, and then you two can screw, or whatever it is you’re so impatient for.”

“I don’t want to _screw_ Peggy, Bucky,” Steve said, sitting up. “That’s your gig. I just wanted to do something nice for her, you know? Since I don’t know how long we’re going to be able to go out anymore, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Bucky said patiently. “It’ll be okay, though, Stevie. Once she gets back, you can take her dancing or something.”

Steve sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his chin in his palms. “Doesn’t help that I’m bored out of my mind,” he grumbled.

“Maybe you can ask a corporal if he’s got something for you to do,” Bucky suggested, leaning back and folding his hands beneath his head.

“If I’m doing that, you’re coming with me,” Steve said, leveling a finger at his friend.

Bucky merely shrugged. “Alright. I’m bored too. Though nothing too dangerous, alright? Peggy will be sore if she comes back and you’re full of bullets.” Both of them knew that it wasn’t just for Peggy’s sake he requested that they do something more mundane, but Steve didn’t call attention to it. He was just glad that Bucky was talking to him again, and that his sour mood seemed to have passed, for the most part.

“Yeah, whatever,” Steve said, standing up. He came over and kicked Bucky’s cot before heading to the opening of the barracks. “Let’s go, sergeant.”

Bucky hopped up and came up behind Steve, following him out as he went into the brisk February air. Steve went across the compound, kicking up a little dust on the beaten dirt, and came up to the corporal’s tent, which had an almost constant stream of privates and other orderlies bustling to and from it. Just as Steve was about to duck into the tent, the corporal himself emerged.

“Ah, Rogers,” he said. “Good, I was just about to send for you. We’ve got something we want you to do.”

“Perfect, that’s just what we were coming to ask you about, sir,” Steve said, whirling so he could walk and talk with his superior.

“We’ve got a missing squad,” he explained, taking out a manila folder from a stack in his arms and handing it to Steve. “A group of ten men was out investigating a mysterious explosion sight and we haven’t heard a peep from them since last week. We think they stumbled on something, and either HYDRA got to ‘em first, or there’s something more dangerous out there than we thought.”

“Right,” Steve said, nodding slightly. “I’ll be sure to go and check it out. Anything else?”

“What, you want a queue?” he asked in that sarcastic, ‘shut-the-fuck-up’ tone higher ranking military officials seemed to carry with them. “Why don’t you take care of this first.”

Steve saluted, hiding his annoyance at the comment. “Yes, sir.” He looked over at Bucky and nodded his head, going back towards the barracks to get his suit.

“Steve, I don’t know if this necessarily counts as ‘not too dangerous,’” Bucky warned as he followed after him.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “If anything, there’s nothing there but clues, and once we find the clues, we’ll go one a rescue mission with the Commandos, and everything will be fine. It’ll take a few days, if anything.”

He opened the folder, skimming it for vital information. He whistled. “It’s over five hundred miles out,” he said. “It’ll take a day or two to get there on our bikes, especially with the roads being how they are.”

“Damn,” Bucky said. “This will definitely keep us occupied.”

As they entered the tents with the rows of cots and bunks, Steve tossed the folder on his bed and pulled the trunk out from underneath it, in which he kept his Captain America outfit.

While Steve was dressing, he heard Bucky moving around in the background, putting on his blue coat and tall boots, the clothes he wore when they went out on missions.

Picking up his shield, Steve stood next to his cot while he waited for Bucky to get ready, looking through the rest of the manila folder for the details to do with their mission.

“Alright, let’s go,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded and left the barracks, going over to where their bikes were waiting. Hooking his shield to his back, Steve started the engine on his bike and peeled out of the camp and into the forest.

 

They rode for a few hours, until finally it was getting to be too dark to continue, and Steve knew Bucky was probably getting too tired to stay alert. So Steve motioned with his hand to stop and slowed, going off the side of the road and into the forest a ways, hoping that they would be able to make a fire, since it was cold as balls. He had brought blankets and sleeping bags for the two of them, but it would be best if they could build a fire as well, to melt the snow and keep them warm.

Steve got off his bike and looked around, surveying the area they had stopped in. His boots crunched in the snow as he walked around, trying to find a place they could better conceal themselves.

He finally found a rock formation with a flat area in the middle. It would shield most of the light from a fire, and it was probably too dark to see smoke, so long as they used dry enough wood. “Over here,” Steve called, motioning to Bucky.

They pulled their bikes behind one of the rocks so they couldn’t be seen from the road and then started picking up wood and branches for shelter and firewood.

“This is gonna suck,” Bucky said. He had been in far worse conditions before, but that didn’t make sleeping outside in February any more pleasant.

“We might have to share a shelter,” Steve said, looking at their frankly depressing bunch of sticks. It was getting too dark out to get any more, so Steve figured they would just have to keep their bags close. “I’ll start with the shelter, you start with the fire.”

Bucky nodded, and the two of them set to work.

It was getting cold fast, but it took them less than an hour to have a lean-to set up and a fire-pit. Well, pit was a relative term, since the ground was too frozen to really _dig_ anything. Instead, Bucky had just surrounded the sticks he had set up for their fire with rocks, so that it was unlikely to catch anything. It was still snowy and wet, so there wasn’t a lot of danger anyway, but they figured that it was better safe than sorry.

After lighting the fire, Steve sat and opened his survival pack, taking out some of their rations. He handed one box to Bucky and took one out for himself. The rations didn’t taste all that great, but it was better than nothing, and definitely better than some of the hot slop they served in the mess at camps.

They ate in silence for a while, and both of them felt somewhat nervous. Steve was listening intently for the sound of approaching vehicles or footsteps, something that would alert them to incoming enemies, where they would have to prepare themselves for a fight. He wasn’t sure if they would need to set a watch, though he figured it might be a good idea. They were in friendly territory at the moment, but he wasn’t sure if there might be night patrols walking around, looking for Allies to swoop up or shoot in their beds.

They kept close to the fire as they ate, since the temperature was rapidly dropping. After a while, their breath came out of their mouths in steamy clouds, lifting up into the air before disappearing into the dark cold. Bucky was shivering a little bit, and Steve couldn’t help but feel bad. Because of the serum, he was naturally resistant to the cold, but Bucky wasn’t. It was probably under thirty degrees. Steve just hoped that Bucky didn’t get too cold.

“Hey, Buck, if you need to go get in a bag, you can,” Steve said quietly after a long time. “I can tell you’re getting cold.”

Bucky nodded slightly and stood stiffly up, going over to their lean-to and taking off his shoes before crawling in a sleeping bag.

Steve decided he would just stay up to watch while their fire burned itself out, just in case someone saw the smoke and came to investigate.

Finally, though, when the fire burned itself into just crackling red embers, Steve stood and went quietly over to the lean-to, took off his shoes, and crawled into the other sleeping bag, laying the blankets over the both of them and keeping close to Bucky. He didn’t want his best friend to freeze out here. He kept telling himself that it was definitely platonic, because although Steve was bi, he was all but certain that Bucky wasn’t--and anyway, he told himself, he was dating Peggy, and Bucky was his best friend.

These were the kinds of thoughts that pushed their way into the forefront of his mind when he was trying his hardest to think about something—anything—else, which sometimes refused to be silenced. But he pushed these things down, instead thinking about the mission at hand, and about Peggy, and about what he would do after the war ended, until he finally managed to fall asleep.

 

The next morning, Steve was the first to wake up. He nearly yelped, though, because he was so surprised by just how _close_ he and Bucky had ended up moving overnight.

Bucky’s nose was a few centimeters from Steve’s, and he couldn’t help a violent blush rising up into his cheeks. His face was already freezing cold, of course, but Steve was well aware that it wasn’t just the cold that made his face red. He slowly moved away, not wanting to disturb Bucky, and definitely not wanting him to wake up and realize how close they had been to actually cuddling. He flipped the blankets off of him, folding them so they doubled up over Bucky—who looked cold—and slipping his boots on.

He went over to the long-dead fire and sat in front of it, grateful that it had melted and dried the ground on which Steve was now sitting. He put a few new sticks on it and lit it, stirring it into life again and trying to rub blood back into his hands. He took out a ration box and opened it, chewing unhappily at the reconstituted pieces of bread and salted ham.

It wasn’t long until Bucky stirred as well, and ashe hissed out a breath, Steve could hear his teeth chattering even from where he sat. “Hey, Buck, why don’t you take those blankets and bring ‘em over here by the fire?” he asked, wanting to get his friend as warmed up as possible.

Bucky sat up, looking with tired eyes around their little campsite, before nodding in agreement. He put his boots on and stood, hugging himself for a moment. He bent over and wrapped the blankets around himself, coming over and sitting next to Steve, holding his hands out to the fire.

“Shit, I almost forgot that it could get this cold,” he muttered, teeth chattering.

“Let me get you some food out, huh?” he asked. “And I’ll boil some water and get some coffee in you.”

“Sounds g-g-good,” Bucky said, bent over and trying to blow warm air at his hands.

Steve started digging around his pack for the necessities for coffee. He was cold too, but he knew that Bucky took more precedent, since he was obviously more susceptible to the cold than Steve was.

 

They sat around for an hour or so until the sun had actually risen into the steely grey sky, before Bucky said he was warm enough to actually hold onto his handlebars.

They walked their bikes up onto the road, mounted them, and set out again. Steve wasn’t looking forward to a day of straight riding, but he knew that there wasn’t anything else to do, and they needed to go and investigate this explosion site.


End file.
